Thursday, May 15, 2008

Hormonal or Crazy? You make the call.

So I had this big vent brewing about PMDD and how much it sucks and it makes me feel crazy blahblahblah, right?

But as I was thinking about how I wanted to rant, it occurred to me that it's not even hormones that are making me react to a crappy evening the way I am. It's narcissism.

But not regular-old narcissism, because that would be boring. Self-loathing narcissism, which sounds weird, but in a way, is just regular old ego. I'm so important that everyone hates me.

But that wasn't right, either. I don't believe everyone hates me. I just believe no one cares enough to even give me a passing thought.

So what's sadder? That my ovaries run my emotions with their tiny hormonal factories; that I think I'm so important the world hates me; or that I'm so ridiculously insignificant I don't even merit a mass email to let me know choir rehearsal's been changed?

Yeah, because that last one? Just happened. Let's see if anyone gets back to me about where the fuck I'm supposed to be on Saturday - and when - because hearing "Be at the airport sometime before two" three weeks ago isn't really my idea of an itinerary.

I shouldn't let it get to me. I was overlooked. It happens. I'm sure it happened to someone else, as well. It just triggers all this craziness and I don't know how to stop. I'm just - I'm not normal.

I'm not normal. And I fucking hate it.

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Gimme some eggs for my bacon!